i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
