I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize