Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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