It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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