Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
