So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
where are you?
Hypothermia
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
