I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
