i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
