I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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