drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
