i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
