The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
