Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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