you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
