you guys were way drunker than both of me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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