i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
