Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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