Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
