sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
