Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
