I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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