Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
