3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize