WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
