the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize