I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
