they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just found puke in my bra..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
