similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
