when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
