Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
