if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
