I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
