I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
