I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
