Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
