we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
