four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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