I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
