Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You ruined the universe
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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