I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
