I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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