what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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