I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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