we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He shit in the fireplace
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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