I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
another moral hangover. fuck.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
