Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
