in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
