They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
the raccoons are back...
Randomize