come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
