I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
