I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
there is puke in my bra ... again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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