grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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