I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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