I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
