Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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