Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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