ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize