Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
