My liver just broke up with me...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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