I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
