Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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