it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize