i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
