Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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