Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
