..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
