lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
