Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
