dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
