how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
