We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why is your signature on my underwear?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We have started to decorate penises.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
