just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
