Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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