make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
