At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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