i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
