Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
