Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize