with your own penis?
oh god the rape fog is back!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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