You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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