Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
