Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
