bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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