He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
