I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
