he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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