Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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