Umm I'm too high to move.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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