No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have already put on my inside pants.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
