You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
