you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
