last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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