Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
