is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
