Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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