We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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