I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
