The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
