I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
